This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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