And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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