so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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