Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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