Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize