She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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