he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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