the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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