Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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