so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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