Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Panties = found
Randomize