Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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