He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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