It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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