Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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