we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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