How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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