i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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