I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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