i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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