8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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