Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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