guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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