My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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