i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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