I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize