i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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