if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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