I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
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Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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