is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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