I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
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Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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