Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize