you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize