Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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