the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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