i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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