i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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