Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize