Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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