Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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