trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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