nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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