Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!

(1-313): View more from Michigan

it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...

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(313): mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up! (1-313): it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me... http://tfl.nu/s17x

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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(847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" http://tfl.nu/8m3i

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(702): View more from Nevada

Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...

(1-702): View more from Nevada

ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha

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(702): Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday... (1-702): ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha http://tfl.nu/3d74

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(407): View more from Florida

Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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(407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp

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(732): View more from New Jersey

nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

(732): View more from New Jersey

Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

(862): View more from New Jersey

yet...

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(732): nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug. (732): Needless to say there is no second date for this girl. (862): yet... http://tfl.nu/och4

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(630): I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted. http://tfl.nu/87dj

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(479): View more from Arkansas

He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.

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(479): He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing. http://tfl.nu/ga3r

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(419): View more from Ohio

You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

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(419): You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text? http://tfl.nu/28br

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(304): View more from West Virginia

For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.

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(304): For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea. http://tfl.nu/eupz

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(541): View more from Oregon

Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...

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(541): Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds... http://tfl.nu/27nn

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(503): View more from Oregon

I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..

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(503): I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions.. http://tfl.nu/v6no

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(785): View more from Kansas

They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.

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(785): They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon. http://tfl.nu/wb9r

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(949): View more from California

The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.

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(949): The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk. http://tfl.nu/ipq9

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(757): View more from Virginia

Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

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(757): Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes? http://tfl.nu/b8rs

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(810): View more from Michigan

its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU

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(810): its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU http://tfl.nu/okh4

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