i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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