I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize