Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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