Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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