Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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