I hate all girls vehemently.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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