So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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